Vulnerable look into my day on Sunnybrook

God I want to leave a legacy to my kids, I know I can’t do it in my own strength, I know I can’t do it for anyone but you, I know I can’t do it.. To make them happy, I know I can’t do it to get approval, but God, I have to do stuff, I have to have a life, I don’t have one, I want a life, I am not sure what you are after in me, I am not sure what this bit of me proving myself, of me shining, of me, getting approval, or doing it, or showing Ben, I can do it, or Lucas, or Teagan I can do it or anyone but you.

I guess, I need to show no one I can do anything, I should just be, I am trying, I guess that is what I am doing wrong still I am trying still to do something, I am trying to have a PLAN.  

Ok no plan of mine... You are the planner, I keep trying to have this plan this schedule, find the magic formula, 1 +2 +3 find this great fix, and it will all come together, and all the angels will sing great hallelujahs, and smoke will fill up the room, and you will bless it, you mean that is not how it happens, come on, you gotta be kidding me...  I working so hard at figuring out the RIGHT WAY ALL THE STINKING TIME... 

Wake up there is no right way, there is only the fishes and the loaves, the breaking up of my mistakes, my little, my weakness, my less, my everyday, of I don’t know hows, and you know how to do everything, you come down, to pick me up everyday, you never shy away from my brokenness, you never are afraid of how yucky how messy I get you still love me, you never are afraid of how deep I think I have gone, you come right after my heart, and you grab, with all your might, as soon, as you see me turn you lounge, for me, and embrace, me, your love is overwhelming, your love, washes, every place, that I could not even imagine, that it could touch, in an instance, you turn my hopelessness, into a fountain of joy... You amaze me God... You are Amazing... I am in awe of you, in awe of you, you do not deny your loving kindness... You are amazing!!!

This is the legacy you want to leave your children :show them how to take what they do have to God and let them watch how God uses it to feed the multitudes, not to show them you can do everything in your own strength.